Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty! I was raised in a convent. I don’t indulge in pleasures of the flesh.
King Louis XVI: You don’t put out, he don’t get out.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty, I simply don’t do it.
King Louis XVI: Come on, you do it. You love to do it. We all do it. You do it…
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: No, I don’t!
King Louis XVI: I do it, I love to do it. I just did it and I’m ready to do it again, don’t tell me you don’t do it!
Ah, de-flowering virgins. It’s a pastime I think we can all agree is worthy of an Olympic event. What? If they can have ice dancing and water ballet and chess, I’m pretty sure indoctrinating nubile young things into the ways of adulthood should be worthy of a medal.
But, for so many wasted years, we have all suffered with the problem of how to know FOR SURE that the girl whose special gift you are stealing is an actual virgin. Who hasn’t wondered this, right? RIGHT? Work with me, people.
Well, now you can plunder her village secure in the knowledge that she truly is new to Planet Sex with this Virgin Certificate. After all, if you have a certificate you purchased on the internet for a buck, you KNOW it has to be true.
But, wait, you say. What if you aren’t a virgin, but you really, REALLY want to be one again. Even though some seeds can’t be un-sewn (even with vaginal reconstructive surgery or penis shortening – it happens!), you can be a certified virgin too! Hooray for the magic of the internet that can turn you from wanton hussy (HUSSY with an H – don’t be a weirdo) to chaste virgin with just a few clicks of ye’ olde mouse including the “MAKE ME A VIRGIN” button. It’s almost TOO simple.
I considered it for a moment because returning to virginitude is something that is sort of appealing in a twisted, perverted way. But then someone told me that, other than in that Steve Carrell movie, being a older, male virgin isn’t the most prized of commodities among women.
OH RLY?
I mean, what woman doesn’t want a man who needs instruction on what a clitoris is nevermind how to find it? It’s like a sweet gift he is giving you by letting you explain it and waiting on him to learn how to pleasure you. You’re WELCOME!
I guess some of you brazen harlots seem to want guys with “experience” and “skill” and “a basic understanding of female anatomy.” God, you’re so demanding! I hate you. I swore I wouldn’t cry.
I’m sorry, what? No, I’m not a virgin. Yes, I’m sure. Stop looking at me like that!
(via Geekologie)
I glanced at the good ol’ Chron.com this morning to see this story about how the Supreme Court decided not to weigh in on a case involving a high school boy who sued his school district because they would not allow him to wear t-shirts with political slogans on them including one that said “Freedom of Speech” An appellate court upheld the dress code saying it was meant to eliminate distractions.
This reminds me of my high school. The year after I graduated, the school enforced a hair length code for boys. I like to believe it was because of me and my spectacular mullet (it TOTALLY was)! A reasonable application of the rule would have allowed boys already in attendance with hair not meeting the school’s policy to keep it that way until graduation and enforce the rule on new incoming students. Within a couple years, everyone would be under that rule.
Of course, they didn’t do that and forced the code on everyone. A number of friends I knew at the school decided to shave their heads bald in protest. The school was appalled, but there was no rule against baldness.
Like in this case, my school cited “distraction” as the reason for putting a silly rule in place. Everything from hair touching your collar to facial hair on boys to shirts without collars to pants without belts to too much makeup on girls was a distraction. No shirts with messages. No tennis shoes without laces. No high heels. All of these things were a distraction to learning and were banned, which I find pretty hilarious since none of these things are nearly as distracting as most of the clothes we wore in the 80’s – shoulder pads and parachute pants…I rest my case.
So, in an effort to help our school system, I’ve come up with a list of items currently not banned that are more distracting than what is listed here. You can thank me later, schools of America.
Female Sexuality
What exactly is wrong with schools that don’t recognize that Catholic school girl uniforms are NOT a good idea as mode of dress for hormonal teenagers? For strippers or sexy Halloween costumes, sure, but not for teenage girls…who aren’t strippers or dressed for Halloween. Do none of the men or women making these decisions have sex? I’m sorry, what? Priests and nuns don’t have sex? Wow, who knew. Anyway, I recommend all cleavage, tight pants and skirts above the ankle be banned. “Bring back forehead hotness” should be the motto, like Victorian England with less plague.
Male Erections
While we’re on the topic, few things are funnier than a boy who can’t control his little Sergeant Major trying to hide a boner in class. I suggest all erections be banned immediately. Get an handle on Willie (no pun intended) or go home…and masturbate.
Obesity
Oh, man, nothing is a bigger (pun intended) and more awkward distraction than a REALLY fat kid who has trouble squeezing behind a desk or bumps into everyone in the hall. You want to make it easier on everyone, ban fat kids…and Twinkie’s.
Zits
You want kids to not pay attention, allow some poor schlub with a giant zit on his nose to come to school. Best way to handle that is to send him home with a medical absence until he can get that thing under control. If it’s acne, recommend home schooling.
Anyone in Any Group
The sportos and motor heads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads…they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude. Grace from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off sums up a major problem with high school: groups. I think all groups should be banned to avoid any, you know, fraternization or bonding. Perhaps putting every student in a cubicle to isolate them prepare them for their future jobs in the corporate world, which is what school is all about anyway. *humming God Bless America*
Pretty People
David Lee Roth was “Hot for Teacher” and girls in Indiana Jones swooned over Harrison Ford’s Dr. Jones. Best way to avoid this phenomena – along with blow jobs in the janitor closet – is to not ever hire pretty people or allow pretty people to attend school. They have so many advantages already, they don’t really need school. We all know this. I guess you could try to make them ugly with clothes and hair, but, frankly, that could be worse because they could go all hot librarian on you and you’re REALLY in trouble.
Ugly People
You also have to exclude the freakzoids because, Lord knows, you get some mangled weirdo in a classroom and everyone is going to stare. Don’t they have like special schools for them?
Writing Implements and Paper
Pencils are great for severing an artery in a gang fight, from what I’m told. Pens can be used to scrawl “Kill Vinod” into the desk of a classroom where the Pakistani teacher’s accent is so heavy, it makes learning Algebra impossible (true story, actually). Paper becomes spit wads and notes to be passed and origami, which is just stupid and frustrating when you spend all day trying to make this bird and the damn paper tears and all you can think is the only reason God even invented paper was to make you miserable and you want to burn down the forests and eat a gallon of Chubby Hubby…I’m sorry, what?
Lockers
Lockers are a great place to hide contraband. No need to search what isn’t there, right? Kids should just have a pouch for their essentials – glasses (not sexy glasses though), notepad made of wood since there is no paper, crayons – surgically attached to their arms. That seems TOTALLY reasonable.
Food
Ban hunger. I’m pretty sure this is something charities are already working towards and I find it a laudable goal.
History
History is controversial. All that slavery and war and Teapot Domes and stuff. Oh, and math, which is confusing and makes me want to hurt people, and science which requires cutting up stuff and chemicals that can singe off your eyebrows making you ugly (remember that rule?). You might want to eliminate Health and Wood Shop because one teaches sex and the other is a euphemism for sex. Get rid of any vocational training because of the tools, which can kill and dismember people. Music and art can go – no one gives a shit about that stuff anyway. English is fine, but no reading, just simple sentence diagrams, which were not created by Satan as previously thought. In fact, just eliminate subjects all together. Do they even teach subjects anymore anyway?
—
See how easy that is. All you’ll be left with is a room full of cubicles and perfectly average-looking people listening to lectures about standardized testing. It’s just as our founding fathers intended!
Another year, come and gone. Like most years, I decided to recap what was my year in photos. For me, this was a year of changing directions in photography. Instead of things like weddings and skylines, there were portraits, concerts, events and food. I took a lot of shots for the Houston Press, for which I am quite thankful, and had a lot of fun doing it.
There were fewer shoots this year for pure enjoyment, but a lot of photos I loved and, despite shooting a lot of concert photos – South by Southwest, Houston Press Music Awards, Ingrid Michaelson, Rob Thomas/One Republic – you won’t see any straight up concert shots in my stream as they just didn’t make the cut. You also won’t see any shots of the skyline and only one of a somewhat familiar Houston landmark.
Like most photos I take, I’m am happiest with those where the subject is glorified rather than the photo and there are rarely subjects as glorious as people (or animals), which is why 7 of the 10 include living, breathing subject matter.
Oh, and I discovered a love for the golden glow of the 70’s, a theme you’ll see repeated in this batch. Hope you enjoy them. Click on any of the photos to be taken to the image in my Flickr stream.
10. Sunset Over Home Slice
My band got to play South by Southwest this past year in Austin. I’ve been to the event numerous times and the crowds and sheer force of music is insane. The night of my arrival, my guitarist and I wandered around South Congress ending up in a long line at Home Slice Pizza enjoying the crowd and the really nice weather. I got this shot of the sun setting over Austin and the SXSW revelers. As I mentioned above, this is but one example of my growing love affair for the golden glow of dusk and the beauty of 70’s styled imagery. I’m quite thankful to the gentleman in the foreground who provided some excellent depth of field with his head as well. Oh, and the pizza at Home Slice is awesome.
9. Ike the Bulldog
A year after Hurricane Ike tore up the Texas coast, it seemed only fitting that an adorable bulldog with the same name get some face time (literally) this year in my stream. For the third straight year, I attended the World Series of Dog Shows at Reliant Center and, once again, was not disappointed. This photo was one of many that became a Houston Press slideshow and this particular photo ended up in the print edition as well. Ike was extremely friendly and this is one of my all time favorite animal photos for many reasons. Like many of the shots in this top 10, it’s more about the subject matter and the moment than the actual photo which is, frankly, rather mediocre.
8. Chocolate Cake with Raspberries
My good friend, Katharine, has been responsible for many important parts of my 2009. Without her, I never would have gotten so many great photo gigs from the Press, nevermind the experience of the Dr. Pepper Museum in Waco. More specifically, she introduced me to food photography, something I fell into as the result of her inviting me to food related events she wrote about. Whether it was the opening of La Toretta Del Lago (where this photo was taken), the Houston Press Menu of Menus or a random restaurant event, I made a lot of new friends and discovered a talent for shooting food I didn’t really know I had. This ridiculously tasty item was one of my favorite food shots of the year.
7. Trapeze Artist
In addition to food photography, Katharine introduced me (if indirectly) to my girlfriend, whose niece, Jade, is both brilliant and sweet. Seen here lashed into some crazy flying contraption at the Texas Renaissance Festival, this is the only black and white photo in my top 10 this year, but very deserving. I snapped a smattering of photos as she bounced high in the air and this one happened to be framed perfectly and, as luck would have it, overexposed to the point of a starkness that I probably wouldn’t have done on purpose but worked out PERFECTLY in this shot. Happily, I have printed and framed two copies of this. One is hanging in my girlfriend’s apartment and the other I gave to Jade at Christmas. I’m far more happy that they love it than the fact that I love it, but it is one of my favorites.
6. Look at Us!
Rarely am I asked to do a portrait photo shoot where I feel like I had as much or more fun than the participants. Mostly, I worry about getting exposures right and capturing moments, but this was an entirely different animal. The Houston Press, in parody of the Houston Chronicle’s full-page announcement of their new society writers, asked me to shoot their music writer, Craig Hlavaty, and one of their feature writers, Mike Giglio, in silly poses they could use for a similar write-up to be featured on their blog. The goal was to be as silly as possible and Craig and Mike were happily willing to oblige. Monica Fuentez, the art director for the HP, had all the ideas ready to go making it really easy. The shoot only took about 30 minutes inside like the one above and outside in the back of a pickup truck, but it was easily some of the most fun I’ve had taking pictures in a long time.
5. Snow Angel
Shocking is the only way to describe the fact that Houston has had measurable snowfall two straight years. Unlike last year, the snow this year came during the daylight hours AND my good friend, Katya, and I were prepared. Her choice of Glenwood Cemetary as an ideal location for snow photos was inspired and produced probably my favorite of the day. The combination of the iconic angel many have brilliantly shot at Glenwood, the snow and the autumn colors of the trees makes this a near perfect photo for me.
4. Right Side Kiss
Yet another photo shoot for the Press included Halloween night at Oni-Con Houston, an anime convention at a hotel on the west side of town. The vast majority of the participants were well under 25 (most under 20) making me either a creepy old man with a camera or an official photographer with a badge…or both. Honestly, I had little to no idea who any of the kids were supposed to be, but I can tell you their costumes were about 1000 times better than any costumes I’ve seen on Halloween. This was clearly a labor of love and they enjoyed every minute of it. Unlike some events where visitors are camera shy if not outright indignant about having their photos taken, the participants at this event WANTED you to take their photo making for a lot of fun for me and my camera.
3. Forgotten But Not Gone
The title of this photo is a take on the line “he’s forgotten but not yet gone” from the Ben Folds song “Fred Jones Part 2,” where the described is fired from his job at a newspaper and the sad story of his lonely life to follow. It awkwardly fits the subject matter. Earlier this year, a friend and I snuck into the Wilshire Village Apartments prior to them being condemned to take some photos and explore. What we found were beautiful apartments in horribly sad disrepair. In one of these was this bicycle floating in the light from the bathroom window. Now these apartments are completely gone, torn down in favor of a big empty lot that will probably become condos or some other urban monstrosity.
2. Golden Girl
This was taken during a photoshoot for the daughter of two of my dear friends. Phoenix wanted some senior portraits and because she is a model, she wanted something different. Sure, we got some headshots as well, but this was my favorite of the bunch. There’s something about someone so dressed up and fancy looking (that’s Texan, partner!) set against the backdrop of the warehouse district and an abandoned field. Phoenix was a trooper and her mom helped me hold the reflector which gave me the amazing golden light in these photos. It is still one of my favorite portrait sessions ever.
1. The Golden West
Yes, my model is lovely. Yes, she is also my girlfriend. But, no, that is not why I chose this image as my favorite of 2009…not entirely anyway. Cathy lives across from an abandoned lot just south of midtown and I kept telling her I wanted to get some shots of her, particularly around sundown. We finally got a chance on a BEAUTIFUL afternoon and this is one of the results. I love this photo because it combines some of my favorite things: a great model, wonderful light, golden glow and an off-center subject. As you can see from the photos above, the golden 70’s glow has become one of my favorite things to shoot. Fortunately, we get about 8 months of that kind of light twice a day here in Houston. Cathy was a good sport as I asked her to stand in an empty field, but she’s also a natural and these photos weren’t just a joy to shoot, they were also remarkably easy.
Inventions are a funny thing. On one hand, the microchip has revolutionized the way we communicate and live our lives. On the other hand, the snuggie has replaced the blanket with shame. So, you know, six and one half dozen.
Well, in the same spirit as other great inventions like the light bulb, the cure for polio and the bumpit comes the Rear Gear, essentially a colored piece of cardboard with a string to cover up your dog’s pooper.
Is your pet feeling left in the dirt because of his/her unsightly rear? I’ve got them covered… Rear Gear is handmade in Portland, OR and offers a cheerful solution to be-rid your favorite pet’s un-manicured back side.
Rear Gear comes in many designs including a disco ball, air freshener, heart, flower, biohazard, smiley face, number one ribbon, cupcake, sheriff’s badge, dice, and you can even make yours custom, so there’s a Rear Gear for everyone.
Leave it to the artists at Etsy, purveyors of anything that can be crocheted, knitted or needlepointed, to come up with something this brilliant. It’s like a robot except it’s really just an asshole-shaped piece of cardboard, so it’s really not at all like a robot, unless you have a robot made of cardboard and shaped like an asshole, which, when you think about it, is pretty awesome.
I’m going to guess the Rear Gear doesn’t come equipped with a microchip, so it won’t do anything cool like take over the world or mimic fart sounds or warn you when your pup actually cuts one. Speaking of which, I can immediately think of a modification to this work of genius – scent! Besides covering up the actual anus, it could turn your dogs poots into rose-smelling poop and who doesn’t love that?
If I were you, and I’m not THANK GOD (no offense, but you’re totally weird, yo), I would get about 30 of these for the holidays and give them as gifts to your friends and family members. If they have dogs, great. If not, include a stapler or thumbtack and suggest they might need them for “personal use.” Everyone will laugh, except the person getting the gift. They’ll be scarred for life and probably stab you in your sleep. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
But, don’t put the Rear Gear on my Christmas list. I have cats and they would claw me to death at the mere sight of something like this. Oh, and my farts smell like fresh laundry and love. Instead, I’ll take 1 million dollars, ninja training and world peace. Thanks in advance!
Seems like everyone is making their end-of-decade lists these days. Top 10 best movies, top 10 worst predictions, top 10 ninjas, top 10 animals having sex on video videos, top 10 pieces of cheese; it’s sort of a requirement that when you have a blog, you tell people about what you liked the last 10 years as if anyone really cares.
In fact, it’s mostly a self-aggrandizing back slap fest that is not even worth the time spent reading it on your iPhone while sitting on the toilet (you know you do that…don’t lie). So, in keeping with that ringing endorsement, here is MY LIST, but mine is different because it’s better, it’s faster and it’s me, i.e. awesome to the power of sexay and you know that’s right.
(In case you wondered – and I know you did – about my criteria, I picked records that I both loved for the music and those that had a direct impact on me as a musician. The more I loved them and the greater the impact, the higher the ranking. I know some people who read my stuff are a little more mainstream when it comes to music, so I tried to give comparisons at the end of each review, where needed.)
10. The Raconteurs – Consolers of the Lonely
When Jack White and Brendon Benson got together to make this album, I kinda thought it might just be another Jack White dalliance, most of which I didn’t really care for, but I do have a fondness for Benson, so I took a listen and I was hooked. In many ways, this reminds me of classic rock records in that it is loud, powerful and ecclectic. They clearly wore their influences on their sleeves channeling Led Zeppelin and The Who in songs like “Old Enough” and “These Stones Will Shout” and 70’s bands like Blind Faith and even Kansas, but done with modern production and indie flair. Benson’s voice is my preference among the two, but there is no doubt White’s mark is all over the record with horn section arrangements, quirky lyrics, oddball guitar tones and the like. The high point for me is probably the title track that blends a bluesy, slow guitar riff and party sounds in the intro with a earth shaking wall of guitars throughout the verses. It’s one of the more interesting rock records (and I say “rock,” not “indie” on purpose) made in quite a while.
You’ll like this if you like: Led Zeppelin
9. The Damnwells – Air Stereo
I was turned on to The Damnwells when I heard one of their songs on a music blog and I was hooked by the strong melodies and rootsy pop vibe. Air Stereo was my first and my favorite thus far. It is loaded with songs I really like. Singer Alex Dezen is the brother of local singer/songwriter Cameron Dezen and Cameron’s husband has toured with the band as a drummer, giving a local reason to support them. While there is certainly plenty of rock on this record, it’s the mellower stuff that keeps me coming back from the Fleetwood Mac-like “Golden Days” to the Rolling Stones inspired “You Don’t Have to Like Me to Love Me” to the bittersweet groove of “Heartbreak List.” If there is any drawback to Air Stereo, it could be argued that the band doesn’t really stretch and plays it safe too often both in terms of production and arrangement, but it’s a minor quibble considering the quality material on this release.
You’ll like this if you like: The Jayhawks
8. Mute Math – self titled
It’s rare that I find a band that sounds like nothing I’ve heard before and yet is as eerily familiar as New Orleans rockers Mute Math. Part indie rock, part industrial, part dark pop, part 80’s post punk, Mute Math’s self-titled CD shines with deft musicianship and soaring Peter Gabriel-esque vocals. One of the first things you notice about the sound of the band is how up front and odd the drums sound. It’s like Stewart Copeland from the Police on steroids and processed through 50 guitar stomp boxes. The effect is hypnotic grooves injected with moments of sheer chaos. They are probably best known for their video for the single “Typical” performed so that it could be shown in reverse complete with diving over keyboards, splattering paint and instrument destruction. As complicated as all this might sound, the melodies are as piercingly beautiful as any great pop music you’ll hear and delivered with crystal clarity. It is a very impressive effort highlighted by songs like “Break the Same,” “Noticed” and, appropriately, “Chaos.”
You’ll like this if you like: Peter Gabriel
7. Duncan Sheik – Whisper House
I have long been a fan of this folky popster going back to what is still my favorite of his, Humming. His interesting use of orchestral instruments within the framework of what are generally very sparse musical arrangements is always beautiful and I can’t help but appreciate someone with only moderate singing skills who is able to convey himself so clearly. With Spring Awakening, he turned his focus to the stage, writing music for the musical of the same name and garnering Tony awards and nominations in the process. On his second foray into similar territory, he released Whisper House, the precursor to what will ultimately be a musical for the stage. Unlike Spring Awakening, the album for Whisper House came first and Sheik, along with whispy songstress Holly Brook, handled singing duties instead of performers. The story arc follows a young boy during World War II sent to live with his aunt. He befriends the ghosts that inhabit the lighthouse she owns. The music is like chamber pop – spare, orchestral and hauntingly bittersweet. The lyrics range from silly folk tales (”The Tale of Solomon Snell”) to the profoundly touching (”Earthbound Starlight”). It is Sheik at his finest gently blending storytelling with evocative musical arrangements. I’m not usually a fan of musicals, but I’d pay to see this one.
You’ll like this if you like: Nick Drake
6. Fountains of Wayne – Traffic and Weather
I have a very tough time resisting Beatle-influenced pop music. From XTC and Jellyfish to Cheap Trick and ELO, I’ve long been a sucker for layered harmonies and lush instrumentation. Fountains of Wayne (FOW) not only continues that tradition but adds a sardonic touch through sometimes hilariously quirky lyrics in the tradition of bands like They Might Be Giants. I became a fan of FOW through the record Welcome Interstate Managers and immediately appreciated their ability to float from one pop style to another with little effort. On Traffic and Weather, they continue that tradition performing pop in many flavors including country (”Fire in the Canyon”), indie (”Michael and Heather at the Baggage Claim”), 60’s (”Revolving Dora”) and George Harrison – yes, that’s a category (”I-95″). Unlike some of their more orchestrated predecessors (Jellyfish, for example), they keep their musical arrangements pretty straightforward, through it all remaining a rock band first and foremost. Like previous offerings, they continue to muse about New York City and the tri-state area, but not quite to the same degree as before. What is the same, however, is their story telling. They are masterful at describing a teller at the DMV or two old men in a coffee shop or two beleaguered travelers who have lost their luggage. Musically and lyrically, this record makes me smile and want to sing along and that alone makes it deserving of a spot in my top 10.
You’ll like this if you like: Ben Folds
5. k.d. lang – Invincible Summer
On about the third listen to Invincible Summer, an album of songs about a summer romance, I realized that I was listening to one of the most sweet and alluring records about love I had ever heard and it hadn’t even crossed my mind that it was written by a woman for another woman. Lang’s vocals are smokey and disarming as usual. She has always had a beautiful, silky voice that made every song she sung feel decadent, a tribute to the slow drawl sin her western twang roots, but something about this pop/rock record stands out to me. There is a sense of maturity and understanding in not only how the songs are written but in how they are performed. She is ably assisted in this effort by gifted drummer/producer Abraham Laboriel, Jr. (Paul McCartney), who infuses the arrangements with modern grooves, but it is lang who shines on Invincible Summer. From sensual to downright giddy, she purrs and giggles her way through a summer fling and it’s downright irresistible
You’ll like this if you like: Fleetwood Mac
4. Foo Fighters – One by One
I would be remiss to not include at least one Foo Fighters effort on this list. As one of my favorite artists, period, there were plenty of options, but One by One stands out for me by simply hitting you in the face with the first track “All My Life” and not bothering to let you take a breath until you get to about track 6. It’s reflective of their live shows, which are exhausting to watch, so I can’t imagine how tough it would be to actually perform them. One by One displays the full range of the Foo’s music and the depth of Dave Grohl’s oddly introspective lyrics. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what he is talking about with lyrics that sound like an inside joke, but it’s hard to ignore the poetry of “I’m a new day rising / I’m a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonight.” It’s a well balanced effort that maybe doesn’t have the singular brilliance of a song like “Everlong” (The Colour and the Shape), but more than makes up for it with solid performances throughout.
You’ll like this if you like: Foo Fighters (let’s be honest)
3. Bruce Springsteen – Magic
I have never been a HUGE Bruce Springsteen fan. I liked Tunnel of Love and Born to Run and I certainly respected him as a songwriter and performer. The whole blue collar, working man’s American rock and roll thing just never held great appeal for me. But Magic made me go back and re-evaluate how I felt about the Boss. Not only does it contain typically well written songs, but it has an invigorated energy from the band, no doubt courtesy of veteran producer Brendan O’Brien. Most of all, it has the reluctant resignation of a man who has reached a certain point in his life and is uncomfortably coming to grips with it while recognizing the life altering power of staring your own mortality in the face. Springsteen channels his best Bob Dylan with religious metaphors like “The pages of Revelation lie open in your empty eyes of blue” and opens up to the insecurity of aging by saying, “She went away / She cut me like a knife / Hello beautiful thing / Maybe you can save my life.” The latter from the best song on the release, “Girls in Their Summer Clothes,” addresses the struggle to accept getting older with heartbreaking simplicity. Magic may not have converted me to a full-fledged fan, but it made me a believer.
You’ll like this if you like: It’s SPRINGSTEEN for Pete’s sake!
2. The Hold Steady – Boys and Girls in America
When I first heard The Hold Steady, I thought, “Damn, someone finally brought the rock back.” With the sensibility of a loud 70’s rock band, the energy of an 80’s post punk outfit and the intellect of a college professor, singer Craig Finn and bandmates tear through songs on Boys and Girls in America with the kind of reckless abandon that helped earn them the title of “the best bar band in America.” Finn, in particular, seems to almost spit words at you like a young Elvis Costello being backed by a mix of the Ramones and the E Street Band. The influence Bruce Springteen, in particular, is readily apparent, but The Hold Steady makes it their own. Honestly, it’s impressive to hear what amounts to a glorified bar band delivering sophisticated lyrics like “You don’t have to go to the right kind of schools / Let your boyfriend go to the right kind of schools / You can wear his old sweatshirt / You can cover yourself like a bruise” without an ounce of pretentiousness and with the kind of lead pipe subtlety of a balls out rock band.
You’ll like this if you like: Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Costello
1. Wilco – Wilco (The Album)
I will admit that I did not discover Wilco until a few years ago. I had tried on Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and just wasn’t ready to embrace the noisy avant garde nature of Jeff Tweedy and company. Hearing “What Light” from Sky Blue Sky on a car commercial changed my mind and I dove head first into album after album. Wilco rapidly became one of my favorite bands and it was pretty obvious to anyone who knew me that their influence on me as a musician and songwriter was deepening. When Wilco (The Album) began trickling out in internet streams, I was immediately intrigued. Several reviewers have described this album as a greatest hits record if instead of old songs the band just wrote new one’s and combined the best of what they do musically into that material. That is a fairly accurate assessment as they deliver rootsy rockers, indie pop, noisy chaotic arrangements and more with their trademark dynamics, diverse instrumentation and balance between noise and melody. For me, the album coalesces in the song “One Wing,” which showcases some of the best of what Tweedy does as a songwriter and what the band does collectively with dark, heartfelt lyrics and a rangy musical arrangement that moves from barely audible to chaotic rocking by the end. If I could wear out digital downloads like I used to wear out cassette tapes, Wilco (the Album) would be screeching in pain from too many plays.
You’ll like this if you like: Good Music (’nuff said)
The Other 15
25. Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears – Tell ‘Em What Your Name Is!
24. Zero 7 – When It Falls
23. Scott Matthews – Passing Stranger
22. The Finn Brothers – Everyone is Here
21. Death Cab for Cutie – Plans
20. Bebel Gilberto – selt titled (mention Tanto Tempo – 2000)
19. The Rembrandts – Lost Together
18. Tears for Fears – Everybody Loves a Happy Ending
17. Wayne Shorter – Alegria
16. The Long Winters – Putting the Days to Bed
15. Guster – Ganging Up on the Sun
14. John Scofield – A Go Go
13. Ben Folds – Rockin’ the Suburbs
12. The Black Crowes – Warpaint
11. Muse – Absolution
