Stuffs for Eatin’

23rd January
2009
written by Jeff

Stan: Well,how is it?
Ogre: It’s good.
Burke: Is it good or is it great?
Ogre: It’s good.
Stan: It’s just good then what the heck are they selling so many of them for?
Ogre: This why!
Burke: Uh,oh!
Stan: That’s my pie.

Cherry PieIn honor of National Pie Day, I give you the following poem which represents man’s struggle to find love in a world of sweet, sweet pie.

Swingin’ on the front porch
Swingin’ on the lawn
Swingin’ where we want
‘Cause there ain’t nobody home
Swingin’ to the left
And swingin’ to the right
If I think about baseball
I’ll swing all night yea
Swingin’ in the living room
Swingin’ in the kitchen
Most folks don’t ’cause
They’re too busy bitchin’
Swingin’ in there ’cause
She wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter
And she licked the beater
I scream you scream
We all scream for her
Don’t even try ’cause
You can’t ignore her
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water
Such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good
Make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie oh yea
She’s my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face
Ten miles wide
Looks so good
Bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie
Swingin’ to the drums
Swingin’ to guitar
Swingin’ to the bass
In the back of my car
Ain’t got money
Ain’t got no gas
But we’ll get where
We’re goin’ if we
Swing real fast
I scream you scream
We all scream for her
Don’t even try ’cause
You can’t ignore her
Swing it! All night long,
Swing it!
Swing in the bathroom
Swingin’ on the floor
Swingin’ so hard
We forgot to lock the door
In walks her daddy
Standin’ six foot four
He said you ain’t gonna swing
With my daughter no more
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water
Such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good
Make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie oh yea
She’s my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face
Ten miles wide
Looks so good
Bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie
Sweet cherry pie

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16th January
2009
written by Jeff

Why, yes it is, it is a HUEVO. This is sooo Guatemalan. Poultry is the only real form of currency there. A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens, while a mans’ value is based on the size of his cock.

While Armand from The Birdcage may have been trying to hide the cooking shortcomings of Hagador Spartacus when he said that line in The Birdcage, no one at 59 Diner was hiding these eggs when they were brought out to me looking exactly like this:

59 Diner Eggs

Does anything seem odd to you?

First, let me say that I LOVE 59 Diner. They have fantastic diner food and free wi fi, a nearly unbeatable combination. This morning, before heading to Galveston for a photo shoot, I stopped at 59 with Katya to have some breakfast.

I ordered 3 eggs, 2 English muffins and some hash browns. I was ordering them individually because I didn’t want anything greasy like bacon (sacrilege I know), but I wanted the extra protein.

The waitress first set down the plate on the left in this photo and I didn’t see the other. I thought, “This can’t be 3 eggs.” She then set down the second plate and I wondered, “Did they hand me someone’s leftovers in addition to my breakfast?”

I immediately began laughing as did Katya. It just seemed funny. When our regular waiter walked by, I asked him and he said that when eggs are ordered as a side item, they come in servings of two to a plate. So, they had to make a new plate for that one pitiful egg even though there was plenty of room on the plate with the two eggs for the other.

I found this hilarious, seriously. I quickly scraped the one egg onto the plate with two and let him take the empty plate. The waiter thought it was pretty funny too and asked if I wanted a bigger plate. He was very nice about it.

I know, pretty pointless story, but I found it funny and that’s all that matters to me, so SUCK IT READERS! I’m joking…but, seriously, suck it.

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