Posts Tagged ‘funny’
I was watching a re-run of Stargate: Atlantis (shut up) at 8:30am this morning (I said, shut up) and noticed a few odd advertisements running on the SciFi channel. Most bizarre was this one.
In case you didn’t feel like watching the whole thing because you have ADD or were attacked by ninjas who took your eyesight and will to live, let me run this down for you.
The Heat Surge Fireplace is basically a portable electric heater on wheels built into a wood cabinet surrounded by a wood mantle with a screen on the front that looks like a simulated fireplace. The whole thing supposedly gives off “bone soothing heat” assuming you want your bone soothed.
The ad claims the heaters are “free.” All you have to do is pay the 300 bucks for the beautiful cabinet in oak or cherry finish. What, no bamboo?
What I found interesting – nay, humorous – about this ad was the fact that the fireplace is made by, get this, Amish folk. Why are people who don’t use electricity building electric heaters? Hell if I know, but it does make the ad so juicy and delicious – especially all the footage of genuine Amish in their native habitat (i.e. a barn) whiling away on their custom made cabinetry. You don’t even get that kind of rare footage on the Discovery Channel.
I’ll admit I wasn’t paying too close attention to the tv (I was busy searching the internet for ways to make money by sitting in front of the television) when this line caught my ear was, “Ever since the heaters have been given away, the Amish have imposed a limit of two per household.”
The damn Amish are trying to keep me from soothing my bone with their heat! Wait, that didn’t come out right. No, I guess it did. Moving on…
If that weren’t enough, there was this one: “How do you combine old world Amish craftsmanship with modern heating technology? The Amish aren’t telling.”
I’m not a registered scientitian or licensed carpentarian (not in Texas anyway), but I think what you do is you take an electric heater and shove it into an Amish cabinet. There you go, Amish, I revealed your secret. Ah HA! Now, I’ll be rich. It’s like I just revealed the secret recipe for Wolf brand chili (it’s made from actual wolves…and human babies), the Google search algorithm (refers + relevant linkbacks + pay Google lots of cash = high ranking) or the truth about Area 51 (it’s where they breed the super race of wolf-human hybrid babies to make Wolf brand chili).
And you know what, Amish, it’s not like you’re going to start a flame war with me or even know this blog exists because you don’t use the internet, do you Amish? It’s all evil like electricity and razors. You sit in your carriage looking all high and mighty, building barns, churning butter and helping Harrison Ford protect little kids. You think you are so cool, don’t you Amish?
Well, damn you and your heating technology and your rich, creamy butter. DAMN YOU!
Ok, that went too far. I’m sorry, Amish. Please don’t be angry. I heart you so much. Be my bestie again? You’re the best, Amish. THE BEST!
End of year blog posts are ubiquitous. They’re everywhere. So, naturally, I had to do one as well. Don’t like it, suck it!
I’m kidding. You don’t have to suck anything you don’t want, but, seriously, suck on this.
10: CakeWrecks
I only recently discovered this absolute gem of a blog detailing the many ways deserts can go wrong. Their holiday post is one of the funniest things I’ve read all year. Merrychrist Mas? Let It’s Snow? Marry Christnos? The joy.
Largehearted Boy is my favorite source for daily music links. He always seems to have links to in-depth stories that not only help me get information for Broken Record, but make for good reads as well. One of my favorite music blogs, period.
8. Kings of A&R
I found this cool music blog this year and, like Largehearted Boy, it provides a lot of good information about the music biz. Their post in June about why modern music has lost its impact should be required reading for music bloggers.
7. 30 Days Out
Full disclosure: this blog is written by my dear friend and songwriting partner of many years, George Kovacik, and a friend of his. I’ve written a couple of reviews for them as well. But, truthfully, it is a very well-written blog for a niche of the music world often under-represented online. Give it a read.
For my money, still the funniest celeb/gossip blog on the internet. I aspire to be as funny a writer as the people at the Superficial because they don’t take themselves seriously at all and just have fun. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt that they have pictures of Katy Perry in a bikini. I’m just sayin’.
5. The Blogess
Jenny is one of the honest-to-God funniest people on the planet. When she talks about her finger cancer pinata or posts a conversation between she and her husband, Victor, I rarely make it through a post without a laugh (of the LOL variety even). It’s just a bonus she is from Houston and a very sweet friend.
4. SciGuy
There is NO BETTER hurricane coverage in Houston than what Eric Berger provides for the Chronicle and no better way to follow that coverage than through his SciGuy blog. His painstakingly accurate, thoughtful, calm and often personal discussion of Hurricane Ike was solace for a worried and, ultimately, weary city.
3. Idolator
No longer part of the Gawker Media network that still has #2 on the list and Fleshbot, which I would…cough…NEVER read (more than once a day), Idolator has quickly become my favorite music blog. The posts are insightful and not just re-hashing of things you find on other sites.
2. Jezebel
Jezebel reads as part Cosmo, part Perez Hilton, part Huffington Post and part modern feminist manifesto. It’s refreshing, direct, honest and hysterically funny. The Pot Psychologist videos are some of the funniest viral videos I’ve ever seen and their commentors, at times, rival Defamer.
They are obsessed with bacon, the love streakers and boobs and their name reads like a line from Will Ferrel’s character in Elf. I don’t know how I missed this blog before, but it is a daily read for me and I find myself opening multiple tabs from my Bloglines account to look at all the stories they post. And, for that, they are my #1 blog of 2008.
Congratulations to the winners. You’ve won nothing. That’s not totally true. I think it’s cool and that is worth a million dollars if by “a million dollars” you mean nothing. If that is what you think, then, yay, you’re a millionaire.
