Posts Tagged ‘tv’
Every Tuesday I write about the television shows I watched growing up and I watched a LOT of tv. Ask my retinas.
Like most boys, I was enamored with things like athletes, martial artists and, yes, comic book heroes. When The Greatest American Hero hit the airwaves, I was immediately hooked.
GAH ran from 1981-83 on ABC and starred William Katt, Robert Culp and Connie (John Tesh) Sellecca. The show creator was the prolific Stephen J. Cannell, who created other action-oriented 80′s shows like The A-Team, Hunter and 21 Jump Street.
GAH told the story of Katt, a school teacher, who discovers a suit from outer space that gives him super powers when he wears it. The only problem is he didn’t get the manual and learning to use his powers, which include flying, invisibility, super strength among other things, is a disaster, particularly the flying part. Think Jackie Chan in The Tuxedo.
On second thought, don’t think of that. In fact, just erase that from your memory. Whew. That was close.
Culp, a veteran tv actor most recently seen playing Ray Ramano’s father-in-law on Everybody Loves Raymond, is a tough FBI agent who is with Katt in the desert when they find the suit. The two are told by aliens via the car stereo to use the suit to save the world. This entails fighting bad guys and looking like total jackasses, apparently.
Katt played your typical late 70′s shaggy-haired sort-of hippie do gooder. He was a good guy who wore square knit ties and tried to teach his students, a bunch of at-risk kids led by Michael Pare, right and wrong, but he certainly isn’t cut out to be a hero. I wondered years later if Katt’s character was at all modeled on John Ritter’s character from the terrible movie Hero at Large, where Ritter, an out of work actor, accidentally foils a robbery wearing a superhero costume that looks an awful lot like the GAH costume and ends up fighting crime…badly. Katt and Ritter’s characters were pretty similar in personality and their names each had two t’s in them – coincidence?
See, this is what happens when you watch too much tv and have cable at an early age. You watch entirely too many television shows and bad movies. I have an entire list of B movies from that era I want to get on DVD. You don’t want to know.
GAH only made it a couple seasons before ABC pulled the plug. Ironically, the show’s theme song “Believe It or Not” went to #2 on the Billboard charts and stayed in the top 40 for 18 weeks, a much more successful run than the show itself, which must be incredibly rare. The theme song even got a nod on Seinfeld when George recorded used the theme for his answering machine greeting:
Believe it or not, George isn’t at home.
Leave a message at the beep.
I must be out or I’d pick up the phone.
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I’m not home.
GAH hit in that perfect era of television viewing for me, the early 80′s. I was too young to care about girls (or do anything about it even if I did), but old enough to stay up past 8pm. Sweet!
To this day, I have really fond memories of GAH and, let’s face it, Connie Sellecca was HOT!
Wikipedia
IMDB
Get Yourself a GAH T-Shirt or, better yet, GET ME ONE!!! (XL please!)
I was flipping channels tonight and I came to this show on TLC called Heli-Loggers. Apparently, it’s about loggers…with helicopters…and I started to wonder, “Do we really need programming that is this narrowly focused?”
We already have Those Guys That Die on the Ocean, or whatever that show about crab hunters is called, an entire show about some dude who makes cakes that look like Jesus or race cars or vaginas, ESPN coverage of poker – only slightly more entertaining than the Paint Drying on Bare Walls channel – and entire networks dedicated to food, reality shows, game shows, cartoons, eco-friendly stuff and children who live in small cages. That last one might only be me since I get my cable from a service based in Malaysia.
Anyway, I started thinking, if we are going to get really into niche television shows, I’ve got a few ideas on how to really narrow the focus. So pay attention Comcast and/or DirecTV, here are a few to consider.
The Boy with Twelve Fingers
How often have you sat around and said, “How awesome would it be to have an extra finger?” let alone TWO. If they can have a show about a pregnant guy or little people or an alien puppet that likes to eat cats, how many people would totally watch a show about a boy with twelve fingers? I would just to see which finger he used to flip people off.
Suggested Network: TLC
The All Jasmine Guy Channel
Between episodes of A Different World and Dead Like Me, they could show screenings of film classics like Kla$h, Diamond Men and that trio of feminine movie titles, Madeline, Guinevere and Lillie. Now, THAT’S compelling television.
Suggested Network: it is a WHOLE channel!
Fun with Two Dollar Bills
Think Rachel Ray’s $40 A Day food show but with ONLY two dollar bills. Watch the looks on the faces of clerks as they try to figure out what the hell someone just handed them. Buy high dollar items like furs and cars with nothing but cases of our oddest currency. It’s like Jackass for accountants or that recycling place on 26th and Durham. Oh, the hilarity!
Suggested Network: CNBC
That Guy at the Bus Stop Who Smells Like Cabbage
How did he get to smell like that? Can he be washed off? Why does he ride the bus? Did I leave the oven on? Tune in each week to find out the answers. You know you’re curious.
Suggested Network: HBO (for the nudity)
Quick Random Movements
If there is one thing missing from television, it’s programming for cats. I asked my cats and they totally agree with me. I know this because when I asked them the question by meowing really loudly, they looked at me and sent one of their representatives across the room to bite me on the face. Clearly, the think I’m brilliant…and tasty.
Suggested Network: Animal Planet
Just a Pancake
At Christmas, they have a channel showing nothing but a burning fireplace. What about just a pancake sitting on a plate? Maybe they could play some 70′s porn music while pouring hot maple syrup over it. Mmmm…oh, yeah…ahem. I swear, IHOP, Denny’s and Aunt Jemima are lining up to sponsor this show already!
Suggested Network: The Food Network
Broadway Musicals About Gay Ninjas
Instead of black, they wear hot pink. Instead of deadly silence, they sing songs of triumph and despair. It would be like Rent, West Side Story and the South Pacific all rolled into one with the added bonus ruthless assassins. Plus, no dancing, just kung fu!
Suggested Network: Bravo
Pigs on Skis
For too long, the International Olympic Committee has thumbed its nose (or snout?) at important events like pig skiing. It’s time these graceful swine got their moment in the sun…or snow. And tune in week 3 when we find out if Wilbur places in the snow boarding freestyle jump competition. I’m giving 3:1 odds on the pot belly.
Suggested Network: Outdoor Living Network
Sarah Silverman Being Beaten with a Hammer
You KNOW you want to see this. Don’t deny it.
Suggested Network: Comedy Central or Fox Sports
Two years ago, I complained about how the Associated Press forced you to use Internet Explorer if you wanted to view their videos. Since that time, the AP has moved to a cross-platform compatible video viewer. Who hasn’t, right?
Um, TNT, that’s who.
For some reason, my DVR didn’t record Leverage last night (very cool show, btw) and I tuned into the late re-run about 20 minutes into the show. I figured, hey, TNT has full episodes online. I’ll just watch it there.
So, I hopped on over to TNT and got this.
Seriously, TNT? Windows only? What year is this, 1998? Maybe I need to only use Internet Explorer too. Perhaps you could suggest I upgrade from Netscape Navigator.
I decided to try Hulu. Nope. Just a link back to TNT.
*sigh*
When will media companies learn the lessons that YouTube taught them when it comes to video? Don’t make me download a plugin (unless I don’t have Flash, which is common to virtually everyone). Don’t make me switch browsers. And, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t tell me I have to have friggin’ Windows.
I like your damn show, TNT, but your website sucketh.
I was watching a re-run of Stargate: Atlantis (shut up) at 8:30am this morning (I said, shut up) and noticed a few odd advertisements running on the SciFi channel. Most bizarre was this one.
In case you didn’t feel like watching the whole thing because you have ADD or were attacked by ninjas who took your eyesight and will to live, let me run this down for you.
The Heat Surge Fireplace is basically a portable electric heater on wheels built into a wood cabinet surrounded by a wood mantle with a screen on the front that looks like a simulated fireplace. The whole thing supposedly gives off “bone soothing heat” assuming you want your bone soothed.
The ad claims the heaters are “free.” All you have to do is pay the 300 bucks for the beautiful cabinet in oak or cherry finish. What, no bamboo?
What I found interesting – nay, humorous – about this ad was the fact that the fireplace is made by, get this, Amish folk. Why are people who don’t use electricity building electric heaters? Hell if I know, but it does make the ad so juicy and delicious – especially all the footage of genuine Amish in their native habitat (i.e. a barn) whiling away on their custom made cabinetry. You don’t even get that kind of rare footage on the Discovery Channel.
I’ll admit I wasn’t paying too close attention to the tv (I was busy searching the internet for ways to make money by sitting in front of the television) when this line caught my ear was, “Ever since the heaters have been given away, the Amish have imposed a limit of two per household.”
The damn Amish are trying to keep me from soothing my bone with their heat! Wait, that didn’t come out right. No, I guess it did. Moving on…
If that weren’t enough, there was this one: “How do you combine old world Amish craftsmanship with modern heating technology? The Amish aren’t telling.”
I’m not a registered scientitian or licensed carpentarian (not in Texas anyway), but I think what you do is you take an electric heater and shove it into an Amish cabinet. There you go, Amish, I revealed your secret. Ah HA! Now, I’ll be rich. It’s like I just revealed the secret recipe for Wolf brand chili (it’s made from actual wolves…and human babies), the Google search algorithm (refers + relevant linkbacks + pay Google lots of cash = high ranking) or the truth about Area 51 (it’s where they breed the super race of wolf-human hybrid babies to make Wolf brand chili).
And you know what, Amish, it’s not like you’re going to start a flame war with me or even know this blog exists because you don’t use the internet, do you Amish? It’s all evil like electricity and razors. You sit in your carriage looking all high and mighty, building barns, churning butter and helping Harrison Ford protect little kids. You think you are so cool, don’t you Amish?
Well, damn you and your heating technology and your rich, creamy butter. DAMN YOU!
Ok, that went too far. I’m sorry, Amish. Please don’t be angry. I heart you so much. Be my bestie again? You’re the best, Amish. THE BEST!
