Posts Tagged ‘twitter’

22nd September
written by Jeff

Kanye TwitterI Twitter a lot. This makes me either hilariously observant in less than 140 characters or an internet addict who won’t shut the hell up. I’m guessing it’s a bit of both. Truth is, Twitter is really no different from any other conversation you have in real life. It’s just broken up into convenient sound bites you can carry with you on your iPhone which, frankly, makes it more interesting than regular conversation.

Think about it. Some study said a few months ago that a huge percentage of Tweets are nonsense. Well, have you heard the average conversation out there lately? Try to make small talk with the lady behind you in the grocery store if you don’t believe me. I heard two people once discussing how hurricanes might be God’s way of killing people who drive our insurance rates up by living on the beach…and they were serious.

There was an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry said that something like 95 percent of the world was “UN-DATEABLE!” I think this is how it is with conversation. Most of it is just a waste of time – a way to get through the discomfort of telling someone you may or may not have impregnated their poodle with a turkey baster just to see if you could by yammering about something inane to distract them before saying, “Remember when I had that turkey baster and your poodle in the same room that one time and you wanted to know what I was doing?”

Think of all the “um’s” and “uh’s” and other such brilliant utterances we filter through our pie holes on a daily basis. Now, compare how much of that you see on Twitter. You might see some, but it’s completely for effect. For example, if someone posts, “Am I the only one on Twitter who likes to sacrifice babies to Satan?!? C’mon people!” You might respond with, “Um…er…wow” or, if you’re THAT way, “Uh, I kinda do…DM me!”

On Twitter, we get to the point, if by point you mean a continual barrage of jokes about Ryan Seacrest, deep discussion of who would make the hottest Baron Von Trapp in a modern day remake of Sound of Music and endless pictures of food, funny license plates, drunk people and that sort of awesomeness. And if the point of life isn’t me and Joey Guerra from the Chronicle making snarky comments during awards shows, I seriously don’t know what is (nerd shout out…HOLLA!). Look at a normal conversation I had recently:

Me: So, what’s up?
Friend: Nothing. You?
Me: Not much. Just hanging out.
Friend: Cool.
Me: What have you been up to?
Friend: Nothing really. Work, the usual. What about you?
Me: Um, you know, sacrificing babies to Satan. Same ol’.
Friend: Yeah, I hear ya.

See how boring?

Now, check this back and forth on Twitter:

Twitter Friend: Nvr rlzd Georgia O’Keefe statue lked like a vag.
Me: Yeah, it totally does, but everybody knows that. And you don’t have to do text speak on Twitter.
Twitter Friend: It kinda freaks me out.
Me: I can’t stop staring at it, but I do love a nice vagina.
Twitter Friend: That is awful! What kind of a weirdo are you? God, I wish you were never born.
Me: Mom, that’s TOTALLY not a cool thing to say even on Twitter!

See how much more interesting life is in 140 characters? So, suck it, Twitter haters. You don’t know what you are missing! If you need me, I’ll be talking about vaginas and ninjas on Twitter because I am awesome like that.

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28th April
written by Jeff

There was a lot of craziness on Twitter yesterday and the internet in general with regard to the dreaded swine flu outbreak of 2009. I read that the swine flu literally turns people into human/pig hybrids that allow them to hoof across the globe looking for slop…and love.

I’m not sure if that’s true, but I do know that the news networks ran just about any bit of information they could 24/7 because inquiring minds want to know freak out.

So, today, I see this story on about how Twitter is apparently incubating the craziness like the hot hot heat of your luscious blood stream incubates the swine virus.

“This is a good example of why [Twitter is] headed in that wrong direction, because it’s just propagating fear amongst people as opposed to seeking actual solutions or key information,” said Brennon Slattery, a contributing writer for PC World. “The swine flu thing came really at the crux of a media revolution.”

Of course, there were six stories on CNN’s Twitter feed about the virus in the last 24 hours – six times more than any other story including hard hitters like how the First Lady’s arms or dresses or whatever look fabulous.

But, yes, Twitter is certainly the source of all the problems in media today. Sigh.

The best part was this:

That information needs to be put in context by journalists, especially given the fact that so many deaths from the common flu occur each year and go underreported by the news media, said Al Tompkins, who teaches broadcast and online news at the Poynter Institute, a school for journalists. Follow CNN’s Chief Medical Correspondent Sanjay Gupta on Twitter

About 36,000 people die from flu-related symptoms each year in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The fast pace of new swine flu cases and their relevance to global public health policy makes the situation newsworthy, Tompkins said.

Tompkins said there is a tendency for television stations to hype health emergencies to boost their ratings, but so far coverage of the swine flu outbreak has been responsible. Coverage of the story is just ramping up, though, he said.

Oh, CNN reporting on…CNN. Of course they would find someone to say that there hasn’t been any hype and the coverage has been responsible.

Fortunately, there’s Jon Stewart to soldier us on through the…whatever, just watch.


The Daily Show With Jon Stewart M – Th 11p / 10c
Snoutbreak ’09 – The Last 100 Days
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Economic Crisis Political Humor

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19th February
written by Jeff

Every Thursday, I post about the things that I love, and God only knows what those things might be.

It’s Twitter, it’s Twitter, for fun it’s a wonderful toy!
It’s Twitter, it’s Twitter, fun for an @girl and an @boy!

Fail WhaleSing it to the tune of Slinky. You’ll get it. If you don’t, that’s ok. Not everyone gets everything, much like the thing I love for today.

Some don’t understand it. Others think it’s stupid. Still others think it hung the moon.

Twitter is the annoyingly pervasive web 2.0 “microblogging” service that is one part chat, one part blog and 100 percent time waster. It is often the equivalent of “I just at a cheese sandwich” or “Dude, Obama totally won and shit!”

However, it is also a fantastic way to find interesting links to stories, break news (the first photos from the plane that crashed in the Hudson were from a Twitter user), promote yourself, crack goofy one-liners and drop a quick note to someone without having to mess with your cell phone or email client.

More importantly, Twitter is one of the things that makes the internet so interesting and diverse. Sure, there are people on Twitter who just want to sell you something or whose Tweets are so inane that you want to stab yourself in the trackpad. There are people who Tweet way too much and at really inappropriate times (I don’t want to know that you just had an orgasm or that they just closed the lid on the coffin, thanks).

But, Twitter also engages people in interesting conversations, hooks people up for lunch when they don’t know where to eat, delivers information quickly and efficiently when asked, keeps you posted on what people are doing this weekend and lets you talk about ninjas all you want (that last one may just be me).

Twitter brings together two things that are clearly and wholly internet:

1. The short attention span of the average web user.
2. The desire of people to talk endlessly about themselves and learn about the trivial minutia of the lives of others.

It is the perfect place to be completely and sometimes inappropriately personal while still retaining a degree of casual distance and doing it in 140 characters or less.

If there is a better tool for the internet age, I don’t know what it is.

Need proof, follow me on Twitter.

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15th January
written by Jeff

Many of you probably read all about the plane that skidded off the runway in Denver bound for Houston last month. If you follow Twitter, you may have seen the passenger who Twittered about it immediately after.

Twitter Crash

The immediacy of the internet demonstrated in all its glory.

Today, a US Airways plane crash landed into the Hudson River. Fortunately, like the Denver plane, everyone managed to escape safely. Once again, the interwebs was on patrol.

First, on Twitter, there was this photo taken from a ferry on the Hudson by passenger and Twitter user jkrums. Then, a whole batch of photos showed up on the Flickr stream of gregol.

All of this within an hour of the plane hitting the water. I wonder who will be first to post video of the crash to YouTube. You know someone has it.

Now, I’m posting this blog and the plane went down less than 90 minutes ago. No wonder news organizations are scrambling to be the first to get a story since the internet scoops them virtually every day.

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5th January
written by Jeff

A very Facebook ChristmasWhat do you do on Christmas Eve when it is cold and snowing outside and your family has made its last post-dinner tech support request to fix their VCR (sigh)? I wouldn’t know because it didn’t snow on Christmas and I consider VCR’s the tools of the devil and won’t touch them for fear my hands will turn to ash. It’s in the Bible, look it up.

But, if you live in some God-forsaken cold place like Detroit or Canada, your last nerdy refuge over the holidays was apparently Facebook.

On December 24, social networking site Facebook saw its most traffic ever within the United States, according to new data from Hitwise. That tops Facebook’s previous record, which was set in July.

Facebook set a similar record on Christmas Day in the United Kingdom, and MySpace had unusually high traffic too. In Hitwise’s blog post reporting the numbers, analyst Heather Hopkins offers three possible explanations — crummy weather, boredom, and the urge to send holiday greetings to your friends.

Twitter experienced the surge as well because, let’s face it, most of your friends are probably online anyway, and by friends, I mean porn sites, and by online, I mean imaginary.

I’m sure most of you guys were on Facebook Super Poking people (and not in the fun way) and sending people imaginary gifts to go under their virtual trees, which would be sweet if it weren’t so sad.

You may have BriteKited your location to Twitter as “North Pole” just to get a chuckle out of your friends who don’t care or hit on an 18-year-old MySpacer who is really 14 and told her you are 20 when you’re really 35, which, in reality, is probably normal behavior for you.

If you were old school, you probably IM’d some girl on Yahoo chat – by girl I mean, 37-year-old man who lives in his mom’s basement – to “hit you up if she is interested in a Ho Ho Ho filled Holiday” or flooded your IRC channel with “All Your Christmas, Are Belong to Me” messages.

Whatever your flava, the truth is that the internet allows nerds like us to escape the more depressing elements of the holidays like:

  • Petty family squabbles like when Aunt Mildred took her teeth out at the table and put them in the mashed potatoes to keep them warm.
  • Lonely nights like when you sat at home and watched A Christmas Story 10 times in a row while eating raw cookie dough and candy corn you had leftover from Halloween when not even kids would come to your door because you scare children.
  • Being away from loved one’s like your blow up doll that you left at home when you came to visit relatives because you thought they’d find it “weird” and put you back in the hospital with the happy pills.
  • Abject sadness like finding out your mom’s house doesn’t have wi-fi or even a broadband connection and you’re stuck “talking” to family and reading something people call “books” whatever the hell those are.

Thanks to Twitter, Facebook and MySpace (assuming you are a band, a hooker or a pedophile), it was a holly jolly Christmas for all the nerds across the land. God tweet us, every one!

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